my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
