I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
