You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
