Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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