I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
