That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
