Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize