He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
