I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
