Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
