Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
