Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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