My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
