Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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