i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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