i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
