I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
