"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
