last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
