Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
