I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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