sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
