you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
