the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize