And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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