She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
