I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
