there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
