I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
