It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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