guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize