I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
