Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
