batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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