I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
