There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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