My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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