I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
