I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
