You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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