Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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