was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Less talking, more tequila
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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