i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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