It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize