Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
