Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
