i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
