Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
whose parrot is this?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
