I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
please come you make the beer taste better
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
