I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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