if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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