I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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