My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
