using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
