Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
