My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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