Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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