I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
