Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
