i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
