you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sarcasm needs its own font
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
