You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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