I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
