You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
