Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
