Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
