i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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