So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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