You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
