Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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