i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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