And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
