and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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